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I saw this a while back and loved what Sister Vanzant was throwing down. I forgot about it until I caught it again on Purpose Fairy this week. Thank you, Luminita!
This is hands-down the most consistent topic that comes up in my work with women. It’s kind of convenient to put everybody first, right? Then we don’t have to deal with our own shit.
At least that’s how I saw it.
I was People Pleaser Numero Uno. If there was a crown for the position, I would have been the bejeweled head upon which it sat. I ran myself in circles most days showing up for every commitment I’d promised to attend.
I wasn’t even a martyr about it; I did it happily. The opposite would have been to be left alone with my sabotaging thoughts, no thanks!
Not only that, I had a terrible aversion to the word “NO.” It just seemed easier to say yes than to have to go through all the trouble explaining why no.
Honestly? I was chicken. A chicken who didn’t value my time, my energy, well … me.
I love the analogy of the cup. You give out what is flowing from … not its contents.
I didn’t have that aha until about seven years ago. And OOOOOO-eeeeeee, has that changed everything.
“It is not self-ish, it’s self-full.” – Iyanla Vanzant
I know that’s right.
Now I’m like a NO-ninja. Go ‘head, try me!
And how about all that God-in-me stuff too, the Course in Miracles smack-down?
I’ll tell you what. When I finally found Source, God, Universe, whatever you want to call it, and realized (I mean really got it) that that divine energy ran through me, just as it ran through all the greats that have ever lived, you’re damn right I sat up taller and started respecting myself more.
And from that day forward, I remind myself of that Every. Single. Day.
Because we don’t always wake up feeling like any kind of child of Christ. I get that.
But we are. And any disrespect we give ourselves all leads back to the Big G/Universe/insert your deity.
And what kind of message do we want to be sending?
So yes, my friend, honor you. Honor you first, for fricks sake.
Even if that means facing some shit you’d rather just sweep under the dog bed.
We can only dance around the issues for so long before the song stops and all the chairs are taken. It’s a losing strategy … trust me. I fell [read: was pushed] flat on my ass.
Rather than get forced into honesty with yourself, I can imagine it would be really nice to make your way there on your own. And by “on your own” I mean: friend, partner, parent(s), journal, like-minded group, therapist, mentor, spiritual teacher, coach … whatever your comfortable route.
Just get there.
I leave you with this: If you need to, start where I did. Say it with me: Nnnnnnnnn-o, thank you! Wash, rinse and repeat;)
Kat Hurley is a transformational author, speaker and personal development coach, making over motivation @The Year of Magical Dreaming. For the full 411, visit kathurley.com, yo!