(Play vid HERE.)
Everything will be OK …
As soon as we’re OK with everything.
I cannot tell you how often I discuss resistance in my work with clients.
Resistance to body.
Resistance to job.
Resistance to family/upbringing.
I think we’re afraid that if we don’t criticize the world, or even better ourselves, constantly, than we’ll let down our defenses and be left in the wake of destruction or combustion, one in the same.
Kristen Neff, in the vid above explains it perfectly.
This quote sums it all up:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” -Carl Rogers
Resistance is like driving a car with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. You won’t get very far and wherever you go you’ll be smokin’ hot the whole way.
I see resistance in my clients in the form of self sabotage, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment, victimhood, to name a few, which only builds greater walls of–you guessed it–false security.
Not to mention the resistance I see clearly in my own life in the form of fear in my work and creativity.
Think about the term resistance. Where do you suppose all that toxic energy goes?
It just sits and festers, breeding mosquitoes, getting funkier and stinkier by the moment.
What about the term flow? What does that evoke?
Clarity. Creativity. Energy. Love. Acceptance. Generosity. Gratitude. Freedom.
Quite a different response.
Who do you suppose is happier?
Who is more fulfilled?
Who will live longer?
Flow folks! That’s right.
Resistance is a natural response to stress. I get it. It’s like me when I get my eyebrows threaded and the lady scolds me for scrunching up my forehead. Every time I’ve left with a crooked brow it’s been my fault;)
Natural response, yes. We tense up–initially–it’s in our DNA. About 90 seconds worth to most surprises, scares, reactions … after that Pema Chodron says we’re choosing to hold onto the resistance. We’re choosing to fight back.
In no way am I suggesting that we do nothing, the above vid will clarify that, we either change it, or find a way to see it differently. And that which we cannot control, we accept in some way, shape, or form.
Climate change for instance, what can you do? Bitching and moaning is not an option if this is something you truly care about.
Politics: How will you change it? If this is a big trigger for you, are you helping or hurting the cause? Again, bitching and moaning is no help. That’s called resistance.
Job/money: What would flow look like instead? How is that different?
Health/diet/body: If you don’t like it, change it. Radical change can start with a single first step!
Mindset: Do you bring up or let down those around you? What kind of energy are you putting out into the world? Resistance is heavy. Flow is free.
First step in letting go of resistance:
Stuck people often don’t know they’re stuck. Listen to your language. What does your timeline of emoji’s say about you? How would your friends/family describe your attitude (flow or resistance)?
Catch yourself in the act.
Resistance is an awful habit. There is no better way to break it than to stop it in its tracks. Choose differently, again and again. Flow. Acceptance. Breathe.
Cultivate an environment for flow.
“Let it go! Let it go!” those Frozen girls had the right idea;) Forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, mindfulness are healthy practices to incorporate on the daily. Because, like the t-shirt says, Most Shit Ain’t that Serious!
Let’s save the stress for the serious shit, and there’s plenty of that to go around, but we have to pick our battles. We can only do so much!
I’ll give you a specific, common example: Weight loss. This is a biggie with the ladies!
Resistance to weight loss sounds a lot like this. “I hate the way I look. This is not me. I’m not comfortable in my skin.”
Attacking the body with thoughts of criticism is a stress on the body, eliciting cortisol, a stress hormone. Constant stress, linked to most resistance, impedes the body’s natural digestion and absorption of nutrients. High levels of cortisol leads to inflammation in the body. Increased inflammation in the body has been linked to all sorts of disease, not to mention weight loss …dun, dun, duuuun … resistance!
One could work out and eat right, but still have an attitude of resistance and guess what? No progress.
One can bring on a mean depression with a hopeless attitude and sit on the couch, never lifting a single pink dumbbell.
Either way, we lose.
The kicker: The body is the lesson.
Acceptance now, loving now, honoring now, is the lesson. Flow is the lesson. Release. Relax. Breathe.
I leave you with this: Where in your life are you resisting? What could you begin to flow/accept/forgive/let go instead?