I have this one client who studies psychology. So as I boss him around the gym, we jam out on all things personal development and relationships.
“At least I own my shit!” is a constant phrase we bounce back and forth.
He, like me, takes pride in the fact that he knows when he’s being ridiculous.
I often use the disclaimer in fact, “I know I’m being ridiculous, BUT … ”
It sorta works.
I like to think that I’m only pushed to this brink. I wouldn’t get there on my own; I’m sure of it;)
Elisa knows exactly what buttons to push and when, and every once in a while I surprise her with a ROAR she didn’t know I had in me.
But even that I own, once I’ve cooled down.
“I’m sorry I sounded like a T-rex back there, BUT you … ”
Anyone who knows anything about relationships knows that an apology with a BUT is a big apology fail. Woops!
This is why they say your partner is your greatest spiritual teacher. Holy moly do they go straight for the insecurities, the triggers, the deep seeded wounds!
This self awareness thing feels totally ineffective when the whole world around you is completely UN-aware.
Thankfully, my wife gets it. She also owns her crazy, but much much later I’ve discovered. Only after making me completely effin crazy;)
The ego loves nothing more than to transfer pain, guilt, shame, jealousy, you name it. If I’m feeling it and suffering for instance, I better make damn sure everyone in my path, most especially my partner, feels it too.
It’s totally unconscious and often not malicious, but it’s a terrible egoic manipulation pattern that should be put in check upon discovery.
My favorite used to be this I feel sorry for me, so you should feel sorry for me crap. I didn’t use those words of course, but that’s pretty much how it went. Womp, womp.
Hurt people, hurt people, so they say. And it’s true!
I’ve also come to find more recently that when I’m being totally ridiculous, I’m tired.
I think the world would be a much happier place if we all just took a nap.
I’m tired or hungry.
Nap or snack, people! Nap. Or. Snack!
As in my work with all my clients, it all begins with awareness. Owning your shiz is the greatest first step. In fact, the step that keeps many away from this work.
It takes a lot of courage to own your shit. That brutally honest owning.
We can’t keep pointing the finger, blaming everyone else for our experiences. Yes, they may be completely crazy, and it’s generally crazy that recognizes crazy. I should know!
Your partner cannot fight with himself/herself. Walk away. Take ownership of your part. Continually. Don’t transfer. Apologize when you’re being ridiculous. Own. Your. Shiz.